Happy Monday, friends! It has been exactly 101 days since my last post, and while I never intended to take a break, particularly one this long, I need you to know that it was needed in a way I didn’t realize or expect. And it’s probably no surprise that my return is one day after the new moon–a point where we leave behind the old and make way for the new. I don’t think this period of the month or my life could have come at a more perfect time! Now, the break was hard, as are most disruptions and endings. But when we let go of that which does not serve us, when we leave behind the pain and suffering, we make room for peace, love, and joy. I’m feeling empowered and renewed this morning, and I’m so happy to be back, so here’s to this new moon and new beginnings. May goodness abound. And before I share all the goodness and positive changes I’ve encountered over the last three months, I feel like I need to explain my absence. In short, I no longer felt like myself.
I was disappearing and hurting, and in good conscience, could not sit here and share wisdom and advice that motivated or inspired people when I wasn’t feeling motivated or inspired. How could I encourage you to live life colorfully when I was barely existing? How could I share tips on how to love yourself when there were days when I could barely look at myself in the mirror? I didn’t want to be a hypocrite, and so I chose to take a step back and work on me: on loving me, appreciating me, knowing me, and trusting me. I needed to disconnect from the world, and I needed to be okay with doing what was best for me at the time. Remember to do the same. This week, I’ll share some details on how this break changed me, but for now take a look at the SparkNotes version. In 101 days, I learned two things:
- To be intentional. This is probably one of the most important things I learned for healing. When I first took my break, I spent hours and hours on the couch watching tv by myself. A little over two months had passed, and I was still chilling with zero progress to show for it. What I eventually (and thankfully) realized was that it wasn’t enough for me to simply take a break, but that I needed to be productive and really put forth effort, do something, discover something, be reflective, and set intentional goals. What was I hoping to gain from this break? What were some things I needed to realize about myself and my place in this world? I’ll share the answers to those questions later this week.
- Happiness and love start with you. I really struggle with self-confidence, and this has pretty much been a lifelong challenge, but it hit me hard this time around. I was so unhappy with where I was in life and how I looked. The irony is that I preach self-love and completion and yet I’ve been drowning in the ebb and flow of loving myself fully and wanting so desperately to change the way I look. The saddest part, I think, is that I believed that if and when I reached my goal weight or established a certain look, then that would be the only point in which I’d have enough confidence to go out and create the life I desired. I allowed this to consume and control me. Luckily during this time away, I realized that while being kind and gentle with myself might be constant struggles, I must remember that we make the lives we want, and so much of the love we believe we’re ready to give to others must first be given fully to ourselves.
The reality is that I can look at my life with a deep, heartfelt sigh and know that everything is more than good. No number on a scale, item of clothing, or human being should have that much power over my happiness or yours. Take a look at what’s going on around you. Take a moment to reflect on your own life. It may not be your weight that’s preventing you from living, I mean truly living. Whatever your “it” is, realize that you’re worth more, that everything happens for a reason, that sometimes breaks are necessary, that fresh starts and new beginnings happen right when you need them (but some things have to end), and that you have to keep going, creating, and living a life that makes you happy–a life that’s more than good!